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ON E N E S SQuarterly Newsletter of the Rev. Gyomay M. Kubose Dharma Legacy Vol. 2 No. 2 Summer 1998Beyond the Relative Worldby Rev. Gyomay M. KuboseWe are living in the relative world, that isto say, we are related to each other. In-deed, we are interrelated to each other.Indeed, we are interrelated and interde-pendent. No one is able to live withoutother people and things. In fact, all areone. The relativeness, however, shouldnot be opposed to each other. Wheneverrelativeness becomes in opposition orbecomes either extreme dependency oraggressiveness, it creates troubles andsufferings.We have tendencies to oppose others, toblame others, and this is the cause ofsufferings in human relations. There wasa couple who had three children. Thehusband loved wine and gambling. Thewife, a very intelligent woman, tried veryhard to correct him, but he became worseand many evenings he did not comehome. The wife’s rage was so great thatshe could not sleep. She lost her appe-tite and her health began to fail. It wasonly natural for her to become angry anddisgusted with life. Many of her friendscomforted and advised her. Two of themtold her that, of course, her husband iswrong in his behavior, but for him to be-come as he is, she has some responsi-bility. He is bad, true, but she is also bad,so she should look into herself, too. Shedid not take this advice, because she be-lieved that she did not do anything wrong.I was asked to talk to her and one eveningshe came to me. After I heard her wholestory, I agreed with everything she told me.She was quite pleased and happy. Shewas taken aback, however, when I toldher that I would not say that her husbandand she were both at fault, but that shewas solely responsible for her sufferings.Naturally, she asked forcibly, why this wasso. In the relative world, I told her, wherethings are compared, her husband iswrong and she is right. But for her to con-demn him, fight with him, become angrywith him, become disgusted with life, pityherself and become ill and neglect herchildren; in that she is at fault. Her goodand right become bad, and she is respon-sible for her sufferings and miseries. Sheunderstood and agreed with me; and then,I told her that there is a world where shedoes not have to suffer, there is a way tofree herself and I knew she could do it.She asked how she could do this andovercome her sufferings. She must gobeyond the relative world, I answered; thismeans to go beyond comparison andoppositions. She must establish her ownlife, which will not be suppressed or victimized by others. She understood andstarted to live her own life without beingbothered by her husband’s wrong life. Shebeautifully overcame the situation andstarted a new life.One of my friends told about his recentexperience of being splashed with waterfrom a third floor window as he walked by.He was not the only one as many otherpassers-by had this experience. Hethought that a teenager was doing this andwas quite concerned as well as annoyed.He was very watchful for some time. Oneday he saw who was doing it, and muchto his surprise he saw, not a teenager, buta man! And with him were two children. Afather and his children were enjoyingthemselves by pouring water on people.When he discovered this fact, he couldnot say a word. His annoyance was goneand he thought, “Oh, this foolish man iswasting his time and his life by doing sucha thing.” Suddenly, however, he askedhimself, “What about me? I am doing thesame thing. I was annoyed by someonewho did not know any better and I amwasting my time and my life by becomingannoyed.” His thoughts changed to com-passion; the opposition disappeared andhe and the man became one.We are living in a culture of dichotomyand we objectify others as if they are inopposition to us. As soon as we realizethis, we should also realize that what is inopposition is our own shadow. When wesee others in us or ourselves in others, weovercome opposition and the relativeworld and become one. In recognizingothers as such in the highest sense, thereis respect for others as well as for our-selves. Only when we respect ourselvesin the true sense of the word, can we trulyrespect others.INSIDEv Summer Haikuv Highlights of Legacy Dedication Ceremonyv Our new web site